The Askaban Cell Block Tango
by LolitaSerdaigle
Summary: Pop ! Six ! Squish ! Uh Uh! Cicero ! Liepshitz ! Et si la fameuse chanson du tango de la taule était revisitée à la sauce poterrienne ? Venez découvrir les filles de l'univers d'Harry Potter dans la comédie musicale, Chicago !


Disclaimer: Rien n'est à moi, les personnages sont à J.K Rowling, la chanson originale est à Fred Ebb et John Kander

Note de l'auteur: Ma première song fic. Ici je revisite le Cell Block Tango, de la comédie musicale Chicago, version potterienne. Je pense que vous n'aurez aucun mal à reconnaître les personnages dans la fiction, même si ils ne sont jamais nommés explicitement.

Je vous souhaite donc une bonne lecture et je vous recommande vivement le visionnage de Chicago, en VO bien sûr, la VF est horrible pour ce film, et surtout le Cell Block Tango, la meilleure chanson du film !

* * *

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!

Pop !

Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero

Weasley!

And now the six merry murderesses of Azkaban in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"

_Et maintenant, les six joyeuses meurtrières d'Azkaban, dans leur célèbre "Tango de la taule"_

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

_Il l'a bien cherché_

_Il l'a bien cherché_

_Il n'a qu'a s'en prendre à lui-même_

_Si vous aviez été là_

_Si vous aviez vu ça_

_Je suis sûre que vous aurez fait la même chose !_

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!

You know how people  
have these little habits  
That get you down. Like Harry.  
Harry like to drink butterbeer.  
No, not drink. GLUP !  
So I came home this one day  
And I am really irritated, and I'm  
looking for a bit of sympathy  
and there's Harry layin'  
on the couch, reading the newspaper  
and drinkin'. No, not drinkin'.  
Glupin'. So, I said to him,  
I said, "you glup with that  
beer one more time..."  
and he did.  
So I took my wand off my pocket  
and I fired two warning avada...  
...into his head.

_Vous savez, certaines personnes ont des manies qui vous agacent. Comme Harry._

_Harry aimait boire de la bierraubeurre._

_Non, pas boire. GLUP !_

_Alors un jour que je rentrais, j'étais de mauvaise humeur et je cherchais un peu de sympathie. Et il y avait Harry, vautré sur le canapé, en train de lire le journal et de boire une bière. Non, pas boire. GLUP._

_Donc je lui ai dit "Tu fais Glup avec cette bière ne serai-ce qu'une seule fois..."_

_Et il 'a fait._

_Alors j'ai pris a baguette dans ma poche et j'ai tiré deux avada d'avertissements..._

_Dans sa p'tite tête !_

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have heard it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!

I met Remus Lupin from  
Hogsmeade about two years ago  
and he told me he was single  
and we hit it off right away.  
So, we started living together.  
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd  
fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.  
And then I found out,  
"Single" he told me?  
Single, my ass. Not only  
was he married  
...oh, no, he had six wives.  
One of those Werewoves, you know. So that  
night, when he came home, I fixed him  
his drink as usual.  
You know, some guys just can't hold  
their arsenic !

_J'ai rencontré Remus Lupin de_

_Pré-Au-Lard il y a deux ans et il m'avait dit qu'il était célibataire,_

_Et on s'est plu tout de suite._

_Donc, on a commencé à vivre ensemble._

_Il allait au travail et quand il rentrait, je lui servais un verre et on dînait_

_Et j'ai tout découvert._

_Célibataire il m'avait dit ?_

_Célibataire mon cul !_

_Non seulement il était marié, oh non..._

_I avait six femmes_

_Un de ses loups-garous vous savez._

_Alors ce soir là, quand il est rentré à la maison, le lui ai servi son verre, comme d'habitude._

_Vous savez, certains gars ne tiennent pas l'arsenic !_

Hah! He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!

_Il l'a bien cherché_

_Il l'a bien cherché_

_Il a cueilli une fleur_

_A peine éclose_

_Et il en a usé_

_Et il en a abusé_

_C'était un meurtre_

_Mais non un crime !_

Pop, six, squish, uh-uh  
Cicero, Weasley !

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,  
minding my own business,  
and in storms my husband Rolf,  
in a jealous rage.  
"You been screwin' the dragonologist,"  
he says. He was crazy  
and he kept screamin',  
"you been screwin the drogonologist."  
And then he ran into my knife.  
He ran into my knife ten times.."

_Moi j'étais dans la cuisine,_

_en train de préparer le poulet pour le dîner,_

_Tranquille, dans mon coin,_

_quand mon mari Rolf est rentré du boulot, dans une énorme rage._

_« Tu te fais sauter par le dragonologiste ! » a-t-il dit._

_Il était fou, il hurle :_

_« Tu te fais sauter par le dragonologiste ! »_

_Et il a couru sur mon couteau._

_Il a couru sur mon couteau dix fois._

If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!

Qu'est-ce je fais ici?  
Ils disent que mon amant célèbre a poignardé mon mari alors que je coupé la tête.  
Mais ce n'est pas vrai, je suis innocente.  
Je ne sais pas pourquoi le magenmagot dit que je l'ai fait.  
J'ai essayé de l'expliquer aux juges mais ils ne me comprenaient pas

Yeah, but did you do it?

_Oui mais tu l'a fais ?_

UH UH, not guilty!

Uh Uh, non coupable !

My sister, Daphne and  
I had this double act  
and my husband, Draco,  
traveled around with us.  
Now, for the last number in  
our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks  
one two three four,five...splits, spread eagles,  
back flips,flip flops,  
one right after the other.  
Well, this one night we were in the hotel Cicero,  
the three of us,  
boozin' and  
havin' a few laughs  
when we run out of ice.  
So I went out to get some.  
I come back, open the door  
and there's Daphne and  
Draco doing Number Seventeen-  
the spread eagle.  
Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out.I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later,  
when I was washing the blood off my hands  
I even knew they were dead.

_Ma sœur Daphnée et moi, on se produisait en duo,_

_Et mon mari Drago nous accompagnait._

_Pour le dernier numéro, on enchaînait 20 figures._

_Une, deux, trois, quatre, cinq...splits, grand écart inversé, back flips,_

_Flip flop... les unes après les autres._

_Puis un soir, nous sommes allés à l'hôtel Cicero_

_Tous les trois._

_On s'est bien marré, et quand on a maqué de glaçons, je suis allée en chercher._

_Je suis revenue, j'ai ouvert la porte_

_Et là je vois Daphnée et Drago, position n°17, le grand écart inversé._

_J'étais dans un état de choc,_

_Le trou noir total, je ne me souvenais de rien._

_Ce n'est que plus tard, en lavant le sang sur mes mains_

_Que j'ai compris qu'ils étaient morts !_

They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming all along  
I didn't do it  
But if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

_Ils l'ont bien cherché_

_Ils l'ont bien cherché__  
__Ils l'ont bien cherché durant tout ce temps_

_Je ne n'avais rien fait_

_Mais si je l'avais fait_

_Osez me dire que j'ai eu tord !_

They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They took a flower  
All along  
In its prime  
I didn't do it  
And then they used it  
But if I'd done it  
And they abused it  
How could you tell me  
It was a murder  
That I was wrong?  
But not a crime!

I loved Ronald Weasley  
more than I can possibly say.  
He was a real artistic guy...  
sensitive... a painter.  
But  
He was always trying  
to find himself.  
He'd go out every night  
looking for himself  
and on the way  
he found Lavander,  
Pansy,  
Cho and Ernie.  
I guess you can say we broke  
up because of artistic differences.  
He saw himself as alive  
and I saw him dead.

_J'aimais Ronald Weasley comme personne._

_Il un artiste, sensible... un peintre._

_Mais, il était sans arrêt en train de se chercher._

_Il partait tous les soirs dans le but de se trouver._

_Et en chemin il a trouvé Lavande, Pansy, Cho et Ernie._

_Je dirais donc qu'on s'est séparés pour cause de désaccord artistique._

_Lui, il se voyait vivant_

_Et moi je le voyais mort !_

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

_Le sale con, con, con, con, con_

_Le sale con, con, con, con, con,_

They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
All along  
All along  
'Cause if they used us  
'Cause if they used us And they abused us  
And they abused us  
How could you tell us

How could you tell us That we were wrong?  
That we were wrong?

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had  
Himself  
To blame.  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha  
You would  
Have done  
The same!

You glup that beer one more time!  
Single my ass.  
Ten times

Pourquoi le magenmagot a dit ça ?  
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.  
Artistic differences.

Pop!  
Six!  
Squish!  
Uh Uh  
Cicero  
Weasley!


End file.
